Who Is This Strange Man In Our Midst?
- At December 16, 2016
- By drynick
- In Reflections
0
The reality of the impending Trump presidency is sinking in and I am finding it difficult to remain both open and suspicious. My natural tendency is to put Trump into the ‘danger to democracy’ category and then interpret everything he does or says in that light. This may be true, but I also know the world is not simply black and white and I want to be as flexible and effective as I can in meeting what is arising.
How do we see a situation clearly without limiting its full possibilities with our rigid expectations? Byron Katie says that we can fight reality all we want, but reality always wins. But we often confuse our perspective on reality with reality itself. Is Trump a pathological liar with narcissistic personality disorder or is he a ruthless politician who just wants power or is he an agent of change who wants to disrupt the status quo and create an America that works for everyone?
It’s probably helpful to hold a number of simultaneous positions. Each one of us contains multitudes. But depending on a pathological liar to tell the truth is an exercise in futility. We should observe closely and see the patterns and work with what is rather than what we wish were true.
A friend recently sent Melissa an article called ‘Coping with Chaos in the White House*.’ The author claims to have a lot of experience dealing with people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). And while Trump may or may not suffer from this very real condition, and this author may or may not be a true ‘expert’ in this field, his/her suggestions on how to deal with someone with NPD seemed both accurate and helpful in thinking about living with our new President Elect.
I recommend the whole article*, but a few of the helpful things she/he said about living with someone with NPD:
1) It’s not curable and it’s barely treatable. He is who he is. There is no getting better, or learning, or adapting. He’s not going to “rise to the occasion” for more than maybe a couple hours. So just put that out of your mind.
4) Entitlement is a key aspect of the disorder. As we are already seeing, he will likely not observe traditional boundaries of the office. He has already stated that rules don’t apply to him. This particular attribute has huge implications for the presidency and it will be important for everyone who can to hold him to the same standards as previous presidents.
6) It’s very, very confusing for non-disordered people to experience a disordered person with NPD. While often intelligent, charismatic and charming, they do not reliably observe social conventions or demonstrate basic human empathy. It’s very common for non-disordered people to lower their own expectations and try to normalize the behavior. DO NOT DO THIS AND DO NOT ALLOW OTHERS, ESPECIALLY THE MEDIA, TO DO THIS. If you start to feel foggy or unclear about this, step away until you recalibrate.
So I offer this resource this morning as one more perspective, one more tool for us as we live into the new reality of our country’s formal leadership.
Follow David!