Remembering Confidence

“Where do FAITH and CONFIDENCE come from? In other religions, people rely on God, Jesus, Allah – and Zen Buddhists rely on something “non-dual” that’s hard to express in words… what is it? What is it?” from an email from a friend

The great 9^th century Chinese Zen Master Linji taught that each one of us is already a Buddha—already awake. The problem is that we are sure that we are lacking something so we run off searching somewhere else for what is already here. Our frantic searching leads us away from the very life which is freely given to us in each moment. Linji says: ‘It’s only because you lack confidence that you seek something outside of yourself.’

Paradoxically, part of our spiritual journey is giving up looking elsewhere. What if it’s true that you already have everything you need? What if it’s true that the place you have been longing for all your life is right where you are? For most of us, this doesn’t really make sense as the truth of our deficiency feels quite self-evident. Many of us feel ‘I am clearly not wise enough, grounded enough, patient enough, loving enough.’

So, as my friend asks, how do we find the confidence that Linji speaks of? The confidence to wait and be present right where we are, when the circumstances of the moment can be exceedingly unpleasant? The confidence to do what it is we know we should do but are resisting?

The English word ‘confidence’ comes from the Latin roots of ‘con’ ‘fideles’ which mean with fidelity or with authenticity. Confidence is not the same as arrogance, but rather it is a commitment to be fully present right where you are. Sometimes this means stepping forward and opening your mouth. Sometimes this means staying put right where you are and not saying a word. We can be fearful or at ease and still follow through on what we are called to do. Confidence is not as much a set of feelings as it is a willingness to show up as yourself and see what happens.

True confidence comes from remembering. Remembering, or recollecting, is one of the essential practices of many spiritual traditions. As human beings we are sometimes deeply touched and inspired by something more than ourselves. In these moments we may feel a certainty and clear direction for our lives. But these moments come and go. In the morning I remember that I want to give my life wholeheartedly to whatever arises during the day. By lunch I am lost in worry about the many tasks on my to-do list that are still undone.

So when I flag in my confidence, when I lose my sense of direction and commitment, I can stop and turn inward. Stopping and taking a moment to experience myself right where I am. What am I feeling? What are the sensations in my body? What are the thoughts going through my mind? What is here right now? This stopping and touching what is already here is touching the ground of truth in this moment.

Then, I turn toward my purpose or my deeper intention. What is it I really want? What is the purpose I want to dedicate my life to? What is most important in this fleeting life? For me, when I remember this deeper source, I often feel both a sense of relief and direction.

After stopping and remembering, is simply to do the next thing. We don’t have to wait to feel a certain way or to have some major revelation. Once we touch that deeper source, at whatever level is available to us, we just take the next step. Just make the phone call. Just cook dinner. Just sit down and do nothing.