On Days Like This

The sun will rise over our neighbor’s rooftop to the southeast and shine right into my face in the middle of our second round of morning meditation – right around 7:45. It will rise on a low diagonal trajectory and soon be lost behind a tree trunk and the window’s lattice. Our sitting will end just before 8:00 and we will chant the four Bodhisattva vows. Then at 10:44, winter solstice will officially arrive.

This is shortest day of the year here in the northern hemisphere. The solar powered light we installed over the Temple stairs is now receives only enough power to function intermittently. The gardens lie frozen and fallow. This is winter, or rather, just the beginning of winter. Though it has always puzzled me that the sun should be rising in the sky and the days growing longer as the winter grows deeper. Brighter and colder coming.

But today is the darkest. It matches my mood. The fall of Aleppo and the continuing Syrian tragedy. The truck rampage in Berlin and the random acts of terror that appear to be part of our new normal. The actions of DT that reinforce my fears that his will be an authoritarian administration that feels entitled to disregard any and all democratic processes. Everywhere I look there is suffering and the foreboding of worse to come.

I try to remind myself that sometimes human beings feel depressed and discouraged. This is not new and may even be a rational response to a world on fire. I can’t fix things and I don’t have to pretend it’s all OK. These are dark times. This is a dark day.

On days like this, I try to remember to narrow my focus. There is so much to despair about and so much I cannot change. But I can make my bed and straighten my room. (I’m sure this brings a smile to my mother’s face.) I can be kind to myself and to the people I meet. I can continue take steps to strengthen the relationships that support positive work in the world. I do my best to open my heart to this suffering world and try to remember to appreciate the grace of each breath and the miracle of the sun rising on a cold day.