Not Just Personal

Whatever you’re thinking and feeling, it’s not just personal.

It’s easy for many of us human beings to feel separate and isolated from each other in the intensity of our inner worlds—especially in this time of uncertainty when we all have so much less contact with each other than we ever have before. We can feel cut off and alone. Separate from other people and the rest of the world. For most human beings, this is a deeply painful experience.

We all have interior worlds that appear to be quite distinct from the world outside of us. There are two classes of objects in my experience: me and everything else. This is one of the roots of the great delusion of separation that is so troublesome for human beings. We assume that because our thoughts and feels arise within our consciousness that they are ‘private’ and ‘belong’ to us. But if we look a little closer, we can begin to notice that neither one of these assumptions is true.

Just ask anyone who knows you well what it’s like to be around you when you are in a bad mood—or a good mood. Most likely, they will tell you that you do an excellent job of communicating your inner states without saying a word. Being mammals, we are tuned into each other on many levels. Less than 20% of communication is verbal—the rest is from the myriad subtleties of physical presence. (Much of which is absent from video-conferencing, so even though it is a wonderful thing to be able to meet with each other on-line from a distance, it can also feel thin and unsatisfying.)

Secondly, though we talk about ‘my’ thoughts and ‘my’ feelings, where actually do they come from and where do they go to? Why is it, that after feeling anxious all day, something shifts and you feel differently? Maybe just for a moment, but why do you sometimes feel one way and sometimes another—in the same situation? We can point to reasons and perhaps even claim credit for ‘working with our minds.’ But, in truth, there is a great mystery to the things that arise and disappear in our awareness.

Of course, we all get stuck in realms of ruminative thinking and feeling that can be quite painful and discouraging. Sometimes, in these places, we can just remind ourselves of something greater and simply ‘change the channel.’ Sometimes (like at 3 a.m. in the morning when we can’t get back to sleep) we can’t and need to do our best right where we find ourselves.

In these moments it can be helpful to remember that what you’re thinking and feeling is not just personal. We are all awareness nodes for our culture and for the whole universe. What you’re experiencing is what human beings around the world are experiencing. Rather than being separate, you intimate experience, even of suffering, is what connects you with your fellow humans.

So, in the places where there is nothing left to do, is it possible to open our hearts to the fullness of human life that is what we most deeply share with every human being on the planet?