It’s Not Just Personal

The Buddha’s first teaching, which came to be known as the First Noble Truth, is that all human beings suffer. At first glance this may appear to be a pessimistic view of life, but looking closer we can see that it is simply a representation of how it is for human beings. No matter who we are or what we have, all of us encounter experiences and mind states that range from slightly uncomfortable to experiences that terrify us and cause us great pain.

We meet the darkness within ourselves and in the world. One form that this darkness sometimes takes is the feeling of personal brokenness. At the heart of it all, we begin to realize that we really don’t like or approve of who we are. We secretly know there is something inherently wrong or broken about us that makes us uniquely different and separates us from all the other human beings on the planet.

This particular state seems to arise from our propensity to compare our internal experiences with the external appearances of others. Our internal states are widely varied and, at times, confused and chaotic, whereas the external appearance of other human beings is much more composed and stable. We feel confusion and self-doubt, while others simply go about their business. What’s wrong with us that we feel like such a mess? Why do we feel lonely, sad, angry, ashamed, lost (etc) when everyone else seems to be doing fine?

From this place, the more intensely we feel our uncomfortable internal state, the more isolated we feel. One of the things I often remind people when I meet with them in these places is: It’s not just personal. While our feelings and internal states can be traced to specific causalities in the recent or primordial past, they are also simply part of the experience of being human.

From the personal perspective, my difficult feelings are a signal that something is wrong with me or with my environment. The course of action is to figure out what is wrong and to make it right. This is partially true and sometimes very helpful. Internal states can alert us to things that need to be addressed and give us the motivation to step out into the world and make changes.

On the other had, difficult mind-states are a guaranteed part of being human. Our sense of brokenness is a feeling that almost every human who has ever lived has experienced. Our loneliness and sense of isolation is what links us to all the other human beings on the planet.

When we are reminded that what we are encountering is what human beings sometimes encounter, it can sometimes allow us to ease up on ourselves a little. Whatever we are experiencing, is just what we are experiencing. This may help us avoid the extra layer of suffering which is the thought that not only am I suffering, but I shouldn’t be suffering.

Then we can begin to explore the whole range of human experience. We don’t have to avoid any part of being human and are free to be at home right where we are.