Gremlins (part 1)

One tool I learned through coaching is the image of the gremlin. The gremlin is a name for the critical voices we hear in our heads. The purpose of these voices is homeostasis—to keep us right where we are. Our gremlins don’t care whether or not we are happy or in the place we should be—they are the parts of us that only want everything to continue as it has always been.

While the gremlin voices can box us into small and fearful lives, stability and continuity are actually important aspects of a well-functioning human being. Though physicists and Buddhists tell us that everything is in motion—everything is in a constant state of flux—our psyches order the world into discreet objects with relative permanence in order to be able to function. We live in a world where everything is really a verb, but nouns are the useful fiction that help us get by. I wake up in the morning and shuffle downstairs to the kitchen and rely, without thinking, on the mugs being in the same cupboard they were yesterday and the familiar blue light that emanates from the hot water kettle that still rests in the same spot on the counter as it did last nigh.

The relative stability of my thoughts of my self and my internal map of the world around me is important, but the gremlins take this useful projection of constancy to the extreme. The gremlins want no change at all. They want you to stay exactly where you are. They don’t care whether your current situation or worldview is helpful or not, homeostasis is their only goal.

These gremlin voices that masquerade as helpful and reasonable actually come from an irrational fear of change. It’s impossible and unhelpful and no fun to try to stay exactly where we are. So learning to work with our gremlins is a useful skill in living a creative and purposeful life.

The first step is gremlin recognition. Here is a small list of familiar gremlin statements:

• You’re too old to begin that now.
• Who do you think you are?
• Don’t make a fool of yourself.
• What will other people think?
• You tried that before and it didn’t work.
• You shouldn’t reach so high.
• You should be content where you are.
• What if you can’t do it?

Whatever keeps you from taking action on things you care about is a gremlin. My first coach told me that his job was to keep my scared shitless in service of what I loved. Moving toward what we love is the joy and purpose of our lives. Playing it safe is ultimately exhausting and deadening. We are hard-wired for the adventure of following the deep unfolding of being human. We all long to live lives of meaning and purpose—to know what we are meant to do and to realize the hidden potential that is unique to each one of us.

So if you are hearing (or sensing or seeing or imagining) gremlins, it is a good sign. You are moving into new territory. You are stepping beyond the artificial limits you have made up for yourself. You are living a creative life. Doing new things, setting out on important journeys, living beyond old rules will always be accompanied by a certain amount of fear and self-doubt. This is not a problem, but it can be very helpful to realize how this necessary but sometimes often over-functioning process of self-regulation works.

(to be continued tomorrow)

Personal Practice – What are the critical voices that you contend with? See if you can begin to hear and identify some of your gremlin voices. They can be surprisingly subtle and hard to clearly recognize. Listen today in moments of discomfort and doubt. When do you criticize yourself? When do you hold back from taking risks in doing something new? What are the rules you have made up for yourself that may no longer serve you?

When you do encounter self-criticism – see if you can rephrase your inner dialogue to the second person. Instead of ‘I’m stupid and selfish.’ you could change it to ‘You’re stupid and selfish.’ See what difference it might make to, as we say in Zen, to create a little space between the brain and the skull.