Dreaming of Life

When I did my first life-coach training in 2003, most of the curriculum was common sense, but there were two teachings that shifted the course of my life. The first was the possibility of a 10. Let me explain.

The first exercise we did in my training group was called the ‘balance wheel.’ It’s a circle divided into eight pie wedges. Each wedge is labeled with an area of your life: career, finances, health, friends & family, significant other, personal/spiritual growth, fun & recreation and physical environment. In each of these areas, we were instructed to come up with a number based on our level of satisfaction with our life in that area.  1 means that it’s really terrible and hard to imagine it being any worse. 10 means that your life in this area is so wonderful that you can’t imagine anything better.

A 1 for career means you hate your job (if you have one) and can barely drag yourself out of bed each morning. A 10 means that you can’t believe you’re getting paid to do what you love.

I still do this exercise with each of my new clients. Just this part of the exercise is often illuminating. Looking around the wheel, you can see the balance, or unbalance, of your life. Are all the numbers quite low? Or high? Or is there significant variation—some aspects of your life that are going well and others that need a lot of improvement?

But it’s the next part of the exercise that was most revelatory for me personally. This begins with taking one of the areas and describing why you gave it the number you did. If career is a 7, what are the things that are good about your job that give you satisfaction? What parts of your job align with what you love? And what are the things about your career that are not working?

Then, the most powerful question—one that we are often taught not to ask: “What would a 10 look like?” What is your dream? Most of us have been carefully socialized to be ‘realistic’—to appreciate what we have and not ask for too much. Dreaming is often associated with daydreaming and is discouraged from a young age in favor of being realistic and staying on task. Especially if things are going well, we are encouraged to not rock the boat or want too much.

But exploring the matter of what a ‘ten’ would look like is a way to begin to move toward some mysterious deep purpose that human beings all seem to have. Articulating your dream for your career, or your relationship with your significant other, or for fun & recreation may seem unrealistic and selfish. Sometimes it may feel dangerous even to verbalize that things could be better.

In exploring what a ‘ten’ would look like, we may find it is all quite vague or it may be very specific. But to spend time dreaming into what vision calls to you has the capacity to touch some part of ourselves we had hardly noticed. I’m always amazed at how different each person’s dream is and the energy that can be awakened in the present moment when we allow ourselves to articulate that dream.

The final coaching question is: ‘What is one step you could take today to move from where you are toward that dream?’ There’s no guarantee that we will get exactly what we want. Life doesn’t work that way. But to articulate and feel the shape of some future that calls to you is a way to change the quality of your life in the present moment and lead you toward making steps in the direction of your love.

Personal Practice: Pick some aspect of your life and try this exercise. It could be quite specific: food and nutrition, or exercise, or my garden. Or it could be one of the ones on the ‘balance wheel.’ Pick an area you’re interested in and would like more information about. Then follow the steps above, jotting notes to yourself as you go. Where are you now?  What is good/bad about where you are?  What would a 10 look like?  What is one step you can take today or tomorrow?   Write it down and do it.

Extra credit: share your dream with a friend and tell them the step you are going to take. Have them check in with you to see what you learned from taking that step.

Tomorrow’s post: The Second Thing.