Circle of Influence / Circle of Concern

How we ‘hold’ the world—the story we tell ourselves about what is going on is just as important as what is ‘objectively’ happening. Sometimes simple ideas can point us in new directions that help us move through the world with more ease, even when the situation itself has not changed. In Buddhism we call these helpful ideas upaya or ‘skillful means. And in this time of escalating crisis, our thinking—how we work with and respond to the overload of information and anxiety is of real consequence—and is perhaps where we have the most potential to make a difference in our lives and in the world.

Many of us have already discovered that spending the day obsessively tracking the latest last-minute news (usually the same as it was two hours ago) of the spread of Covid-19 on-line or on TV is not a helpful or very productive thing to do. While it is important to stay informed about our constantly changing health situation, we also have to find ways to take care of ourselves so that we can continue to be of use to ourselves and to others.

One upaya that may be a helpful comes from Stephen Covey’s classic self-help book: THE 7 HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE. I read this book in the early ‘90’s shortly after it was published and have found several of his ideas to be surprisingly durable and useful over many years. The idea that has arisen for me this morning is his conception of Circle of Influence/Circle of Concern. Covey illustrated the relationship between these two realms with an egg-like diagram— a larger circle (the white) which contains a smaller circle (the yolk) within.

The larger circle (the white) represents your circle of concern—all the things you care about in your life and in the world. This ranges from what shirt you’re going to wear today and whether you will go to the grocery store this afternoon to what the weather is outside and what is happening with Covid-19 virus regulations in the Bay Area.

Your circle of influence is the smaller circle within the larger one. This represents everything you are concerned about and that you can actually do something about. In the above example, choosing what you’ll wear today and making the decision about the trip to the grocery store are things within your capacity to do something about – these are in your immediate circle of influence. But the temperature outside and the ‘shelter in place’ orders in San Francisco are not things you can influence right now.

Covey’s simple observation is that whichever part of the diagram we spend time in, grows larger. When we spend time reading and reading and obsessively thinking about things we can’t influence, we feel more overwhelmed and less able to act. In this, the inner circle of influence seems to shrink like the pupil of the eye when exposed to strong light. When we spend time in areas where we have some influence, we find our sense of sense of well-being and our capacity to act effectively increases—the inner circle of influence grows larger and larger.

My suggestion for today is that we simply notice which sphere—circle of concern or circle of influence—we are residing in and noticing what the impact is. Of course we all need to stay connected to news and information that will help us stay safe and current as things continue to change. But while we do that, can we also stay alive and awake to our endless human capacity to make a difference right where we are?

Making Good Decisions

As human beings, we like to think we are acting rationally and making good decisions.   As a life-coach and someone who has had several different careers over the course of my own life, I’m all for clarifying goals, taking a clear look at our current situation then setting out in some active manner. But I also believe that we never have adequate information to make truly informed decisions—especially about the most important things in our lives. Think of picking a life partner or accepting a new job or deciding how careful is careful enough in this time of COVID-19.

Over the past five days, health and civic authorities have continually and downwardly adjusted the number of people that are allowed to gather at one time. At first it was just no large concerts or sporting events. Then it was no gathering of over a hundred people. By Saturday, fifty was the limit. Then Sunday, twenty-five. Now, here in Massachusetts, restaurants are closed for anything but delivery or take-out and last night, I heard the new recommended maximum ‘safe’ number is ten.

We are in the middle of a dynamic situation and we are being called upon to continually adjust our behavior based on ever-changing and partial information. Despite its assertions to the contrary, the federal government has been woefully slow in providing access to the tests needed to determine the spread of the virus. The daily count of confirmed and presumptive cases of infection is only a small fraction of how much the virus has already spread.

So how do we decide how much contact is ‘safe’?  Four thoughts:

1) Follow the guidance of health and civic leaders to coordinate our activities with everyone around us. Only our collective action can mitigate and eventually manage the spread of this virus that may be both milder and more dangerous than we had imagined.

2) For the time being, error on the side of caution. Have less physical contact than really makes sense to you. We are at the beginning of a situation that is new to us all. Day by day, we have new information and everything is showing that we are dealing with something more serious and infectious than we had understood.

3) Remember that your actions and non-actions make a real difference. While it is easy to feel helpless and overwhelmed with the weirdness and the threat of these days, the choices we make, moment after moment and day after day have indelible power to help shape the future that we live into.

4) Connection is essential for the health of human beings. With many of our usual avenues of connection closed, we need to be even more conscious of fostering the connections that give us life. This begins with our connection to our selves – stay tuned to the roller coaster of thoughts and emotions and experiences that are yours today. Appreciate the people, plants and animals around you—each one you encounter is a whole universe. Finally allow yourself to remember the beauty and mystery of this swirling universe of people and microbes and stars and daffodils.

Nothing is ever separate.

Unexpected Comfort

I was unexpectedly comforted last night. One after another, people ‘arrived’ for our not-so-usual evening Zen meditation session*. They arrived onto the screen of the laptop in the mostly empty meditation hall here at the Temple. Melissa and I and Corwyn (technical, ritual and moral support) were all delighted as the familiar faces began to appear in neat little boxes on the screen—like the Brady Bunch or Hollywood Squares.

Ray and Celia from across town showed up first. Then Jenny from Pittsburgh. Then Susan from the Isle of Wight in the UK and Sebastion from Bogata, Colombia. Eventually we filled the screen with sixteen boxes and nineteen Zen practitioners. From around the region and around the world, we gathered virtually to continue this ancient practice of slowing down and paying attention.

After chatting and checking in, we chanted, walked, sat silently, listened to the Dharma talk that I offered, then had a brief chance for a Dharma dialogue. All familiar practices for our community.

I spoke last night about the practice of taking refuge. As Zen Buddhist practitioners, we vow to take refuge in Buddha, Dharma and Sangha. These vows are our way of orienting our lives toward what is most essential. We remind ourselves that even in the midst of the confusion and fears of life, we can turn to find ourselves right where we are. Taking refuge is not so much affirming a sectarian position but rather practicing these necessary human reminders that have been expressed in many forms in many traditions.

Taking refuge in Buddha (awakening) means sheltering in the mysterious heart of life—the Life that comes before words and thoughts. The source of life that has sustained us since our first breath and continues even in this moment. We find this refuge in the stillness and silence of right where we are.

Taking refuge in Dharma (teachings) is turning toward the teachings that resonate in our hearts. We are so often distracted by the thousand issues of life (and sometimes the one big issue) that we forget the words and stories of wisdom that are imprinted on our hearts. These ‘words’ of wisdom also, of course, appear in the sprouting daffodil greens and the faces of those we see and in the smell of dinner cooking on the stove.

Taking refuge in the Sangha (community) points us to each other—the community of practitioners, the community of humans and the community of all life. Many of us humans suffer greatly from the mistaken idea that we are somehow separate and alone. Taking refuge in Sangha encourages us to raise our heads and look around. We are all part of a vast and impossibly intricate network of support and connection. As we see and remember this, we can allow ourselves to breathe a little easier and move a little more calmly, right in the midst of whatever situation we find ourselves.

So we continue into this new day of the familiar and the new. If you’re up for another homework assignment: Do something today that you might not always do – something that nourishes for your deepest heart and perhaps even the hearts of us all.

May we all to use these extraordinary times to deepen the practices that remind us what is most essential and move us toward the sacred, however we define that.

• Next Meditations – Tuesday 3/17 at 7 a.m. and 7 p.m.  Zoom Link at Boundless Way Temple Web site

Hidden Treasure

for my mother on her 90th birthday

A small boy walks home from school
alone, slowly shuffling and kicking at
stones along the way. Head down,
he evenly sees what has been cast aside;
appreciating that which is of no use.

Now and then, something shiny
catches his eye: a colorful bottle cap,
a soda can flattened by a passing car,
an especially round stone. He stops
and stoops to examine more closely,
forgetting, for a moment, his destination.

What intrigues him still, he picks up
and carries home for presentation
to his waiting mother. She greets
his little bits of the world as the treasures
they now are and praises him
for his careful eyes and tender heart.

Her delight with him and his world
becomes the treasure that guides
and sustains him across oceans
and decades as he walks
the many roads of his life.

Isaiah at Seven Months: Crawling Into Love

Heaving breaths in and out
through his open mouth,
he clumsily pulls himself to standing
against the back of the couch.
He looks around triumphantly
and we all join together in
unreasonable delight with
his predictable accomplishment.

A quick and graceless fall
bounces him back to sitting.

Unfazed, he turns from me
to be greeted by a familiar vision
on the far end of the couch:
mother and grandmother—
beaming faces illuminated
with primal love for this
small being of will and wonder.

Arms flailing, he crawls wholeheartedly
toward these waiting angels of his life—
into a world which perfectly, for this moment,
reflects and invites his emerging animation.

Nine Easy Steps to a Happier Life

A recent scientific study* reports that you can improve your happiness by up to 37%** by simply looking up! While we don’t yet know the exact mechanism that produces the effect, lifting your gaze momentarily (Sky-Gazing) prevents you from doing useful work and allows you to become aware of the world that always surrounds and embraces you. Raising your eyes to the sky may also activate healing memories of being young in the summer and being on vacation and having nothing much important to do.

In just a few minutes, you too can begin to experience the benefits be on your way to a 37% happier life.

Most of us have been trained to constantly look down in order not to trip and to stay focused on the task at hand. Looking up interrupts this functionalist perspective and begins to re-weave our connection to the world around us. The simple practice of sky gazing is a way to break free from the trance of everyday life and return to a healthier and more realistic relationship to life, the earth and the cosmos.

Sky-Gazing in Nine Easy Steps:

1. Go outside or find a window with a view
2. Sit down in a reasonably comfortable chair, couch or chaise lounge
3. Slouch (and put your feet up if possible)
4. Lift your chin several inches
5. Let your gaze rise (must be 45 degrees or above for maximum benefit)
6. Look up and out with relaxed focus
7. Notice little things up high — like how the breeze moves the leaves near the top of trees or how the shape of the clouds is always changing or the specific color of the sky
8. Take a couple breaths
9. Remember that the sky is always above and is never rushed or worried

Some people report their experience Sky-Gazing as ‘a mini-vacation’ and say they re-enter their daily activities with more spaciousness, ease and equanimity***. In the interest of scientific research, I would urge you to try this right now and see what impact it has on you.

(After you have done this practice from the seated position for some time, you may want to try the advanced practice which involves doing this same practice while lying down outside – preferably under or near a large tree.)

Enjoy.

notes:
*conducted by me as I sat out on my porch one afternoon
**23% of all statistics are made up on the spot
***the productivity impact of this practice merits further study as some employers might find their workers less willing to efficiently do meaningless work after sky gazing