Year-end Completion Exercise

One useful human skill that we rarely think about is the skill of completion—that is to consciously bring some event or time in our lives to a close. We turn our attention backward over what has happened to honor, learn and grow as we move forward. It’s kind of like a memorial service for what is now over. But not one of those services where the deceased is spoken of in exaggerated and unlikely praise. To really complete something we need to honor and include the fullness of all that happened. The process of completion praises all that has happened, allowing us to begin to come to terms with both the good and the bad, both our successes and our failures. Not only can this lighten the load of unprocessed feelings we carry forward, it can also help us gather hard-earned learnings to bring with us as resources for our next adventures.

The first life-coach I ever worked with in the early 2000’s suggested I do a very simple year-end completion exercise like this that I found surprisingly useful. It takes anywhere from ten minutes to several hours to complete. I offer it here in case you are in a reflective mood during these last three days of the year. There are four parts: Joys and Accomplishments, Disappointments and Failures, Learnings to Take Forward, and Vision from One Year From Now.

If you’re interested, get a piece of paper and your favorite writing implement, or just sit down at your word-processor.

At the top of the page write 2020 Year-End Reflections. Then the heading Joys and Accomplishtments. Now make a list of all of the things you are proud of over this past year—all the things you accomplished or brought you joy. These can range from ‘I survived.’ to specific things that come to you as you scan back over the year. ‘The annual black-eye Susan vine (thunbergia) I grew from seed looked spectacular on the back railing.’ It could be about relationships that have deepened, challenges met, risks taken, adventures begun.

The point here is to remember the good stuff. Many of us have minds that so readily focus on past disappointments and future problems that we rarely find time to acknowledge the many things that go well, the many times we have successfully met the challenges of our lives. Looking back and appreciating your own resilience, ingenuity and courage is a way of claiming the skills you already have as your own.

These accomplishments and joys can be a quick list with just a few words, or it can be a long and detailed list. Follow whatever feels right. I often find when I do this that as I write, other things occur to me that I had almost forgotten. If your list begins to get embarrassingly long, take a deep breath and enjoy it.

Next is the heading Disappointments and Failures. This is the list of all the things that didn’t work out the way you wanted. They may be due to things you did or didn’t do, or they may be events far out of your control. But everything on this list is, in some way, something you didn’t want (or something you did want that didn’t happen.) Some positive-minded people might ask what the point is to going back over painful things. Why not just move on and focus on the good stuff? Much of the difficulty in our lives stays with us far beyond the time when it is ‘over’. Consciously turning to examine the things that have been disappointing or even heart-breaking gives us the opportunity to feel whatever we feel about them as well as to begin to learn what there is to learn from them.

We human beings are learning machines. If you are living a creative life (and we all are) you will sometimes, even often, fail. This is not a sign you are doing things wrong, but rather a sign you are willing to take chances, to go beyond the safety of what you know how to do. Picasso once said ‘I am always doing that which I do not know how to do in order to learn how to do it.’ This is each one of us, every day. Reflecting on our successes and failures is a way to support our natural and incessant learning.

The third heading is Learnings to Take Forward. This is where you list what you have learned over the year. These learnings may be quite specific ‘Rabbits in the Temple garden love to eat cosmos seedlings.’ to much more general ‘I am more and more drawn to wandering without purpose in order to find my way.’ Again, trust whatever comes to you, but consider what you have learned from both successes and failures.

Finally, imagine it is one year from now (12/29/21) and you are looking back on the coming year that has passed. You are amazed at how well it went—surprised by the wonderful thing you accomplished and that came to pass. You can label this section Vision from One Year From Now. Use the past tense as you write this, as if what you are imagining has already happened. Again, it can be as specific ‘Created a new terraced flower bed by the garage.’ or as general ‘I met the pressures of the continuing pandemic with equanimity and ease as the vaccine became widely available.’

That’s the exercise. You can put these lists in a safe place to take out again at some future date, or you can tear it up and burn it as an offering to the gods or even just put it on top of the pile of papers on your desk and let it fend for itself.

(If you’re really in the mood for an adventure, you could ask someone to be your ‘life-coach for an hour’ and read your reflections to them. If you do this, please instruct your temporary life-coach to just listen and appreciate. No advice is necessary or helpful. They don’t have to analyze or figure you out, they are just the witness and cheerleader as you notice what you notice.)