Finding Fulfillment

One of the useful definitions I learned in my life-coaching training was: Fulfillment is what happens when we act in alignment with our values.

We all want to be fulfilled in this life and it is easy to think of fulfillment as some place we will arrive when certain conditions are met. Once I get that job or find the right partner or get my second book published—then I’ll be fulfilled. But fulfillment is often the carrot on the stick that is dangled in front of (and tied to) the donkey. Every step the donkey takes, the carrot moves forward too—ever temptingly dangling just out of reach.

Even when we accomplish our goals, our sense of fulfillment is short-lived. With the new job come new problems. With a new relationship come all the issues of actually being with another human being. After the second book is published, then there is the third and the fourth. Accomplishments and achievements are wonderful things, but they do not create a lasting sense of fulfillment.

Fulfillment is not a destination. It’s not a place you can ever arrive and settle into. That’s the bad news. But the good news is that fulfillment is available in whatever situation we find ourselves—even when our goals and dreams seem impossibly far off. We are fulfilled when we our actions align with what is deepest in our hearts.

If this is true, then our first work is to clarify what we care about. It’s difficult to act in alignment with something that is unclear. This ‘what we care about’ is not the same as what we think we should do. Clarifying our values is a process of uncovering of some deeper part of who we already are. Some of us love to work in the garden, some love to solve problems, some to work with our hands, some to organize spaces. Fulfillment begins by noticing what brings us alive.

One of my values, something that brings me alive, has to do with exploring and following and shaping things. I might call this value improvisational creation or following aliveness. For some reason, piling a few rocks on top of each other in just the right in some corner of the garden way delights me. Sitting down each morning with no particular plan and then following whatever comes to mind and shaping it all into sentences and paragraphs, is a pleasurable and meaningful activity to me.

I do hope that my improvisational creations bring some joy or understanding or comfort to others. But I try to keep my focus on what is happening in the moment, the balance of the stones, the feeling and the shape of the paragraphs as they appear on my screen. I play and fiddle and shape as best I can, then I let them be—sitting quietly under a tree or off to my blog page in cyberspace to settle in with the other reflections from the past days.

With this focus on fulfillment as alignment with something deeper, we are not hostage to the outcomes that are beyond our control. When east is our clear direction of travel, though we will never arrive, each step we take is the fulfillment of our intention and can be a full expression of our love.