On the Dangers of Hearing Only Part of a Radio Show

The other day on radio I heard that everything in the universe is moving away from everything else. I didn’t catch the whole story, but apparently, due to the energy of the big bang, distances between things are increasing. (This explains a lot that I’ve been noticing recently.)

The big bang’s energy of dispersal is countered by the constant and inexplicable force of gravity. It turns out that everything in the universe is attracted to everything else in the universe. (I feel this too sometimes.) The astrophysicist being interviewed went on to talk about one theory that suggests that at a certain point, the energy of the big bang will wear itself out. (Like a small boy who runs around all day will eventually falls asleep). At this point, gravity gains the upper hand and everything will begin coming back together.

This coming back together will not, however, be the Age of Aquarius. Gravity, as its name implies, is not a lighthearted or limited matter. The astral prediction is that the attraction of everything to everything else will eventually collapse all known (and unknown?) universes back into a primordial point. There won’t be much room to move around and real estate will be in short supply.

I suppose it will be a cozy relief from the vast empty stretches of separation that many of us encounter. We’ll be right on top of each other. We’ll be so close, we won’t even need our cell phones. Since we’ll all be the same very very small thing, communication of any sort will be merely a quaint relic of the past. Single cell microbes will be remembered as fairy tale monsters of inconceivable proportion.

Personally, I predict any number of disputes will arise in such crowded conditions. A lot of toes will be stepped on and inappropriate touching will be unavoidable. These disputes will likely try to enlarge themselves but with no legroom, arguing itself will be severely limited. Spring, summer, fall and winter will most likely have to be canceled for to lack of space. Likewise rain and clouds, rivers and oceans. Even the smallest wind will find no place to blow.

Then at some point, within the point, things will get to a point (where they have already been) and everyone will vote for another big bang—another fantastic adventure outward. We’ll be so sick of each other’s bad breath and irritating habits, that anything will be preferable. Of course there will be trepidation—‘What if I get lost?’ ‘What if I forget my way home?’ We’ll do our best to reassure each other. We’ll remind ourselves that gravity stays with us and that we’ll be back together in just a few trillion gazillion years. Then we’ll pack our bags, say farewell and be on our way.