Gremlins (part 2)

All of us make up a psychic geography that we imagine as safe. We live our lives within the boundaries of the rules we have made. For the most part, this serves us well. But we must, from time to time, step over these artificial boundaries. We must—and we long to—step out of our comfort zone—leave the so-called safe harbor and head out to the open sea.

Yesterday I wrote about ‘the gremlins’ – the critical voices in our heads whose only purpose is to keep us right where we are. When we set out on an important journey, or when we are in a situation that calls for a new response or when we simply are sick and tired of our habitual response—then we have to find a way to work with our gremlins so they don’t stop us right where we are. A couple perspectives might be helpful.

The first step is hearing the gremlins as gremlins. Our minds are usually filled with voices and images coming one after another. We may feel anxious and fearful and not even know why. When you’re feeling unable to take a step in your life you’d like to take, it’s very likely there are some gremlin voices around. Identifying these self-sabotaging voices as gremlins is the first step in finding your way through.

The second step is to change the language of the gremlins from first person (‘I just don’t have the will power to exercise’) to second person. (‘You just don’t have the will power to exercise’)   This shift allows a little more space to hear these voices as simply one part of us rather than the whole of us.

Creating a specific image of some of your gremlins can also be helpful. As you hear the voice of a gremlin, notice the quality of the voice. Is it high or low pitched? Is it smooth or gravelly? Is the voice coming from above you, or in front or inside? Then, if you’d like, you can create an image of your gremlin. It may simply be a dark and heavy cloud or it may be a creature or a person with specific features and clothing and presence. The more detailed you get, the better. (Of course we’re just making all this up, but it’s all in service of working with these very real and challenging forces within us all.)

Once you have an image of your gremlin, you can give your gremlin a name. Commonplace names like Elinor or Bruce are fine (no offense to you Elinors and Bruces out there), or you could have a more descriptive name like Mr. Critical or Ms. Prim. A name can make it easier to access and work with this particular part of you.

Now that you have an image and a name, you can use them to communicate with your gremlins. WARNING: Do not try to argue with your gremlin. When you argue with a gremlin, you always lose. Gremlins are wildly creative and endlessly energetic. They often present themselves as quite reasonable and helpful—but they are not. Their one focus is to keep you right where you are. Gremlins see the status quo, even when it is painful and dysfunctional, as preferable to any kind of change. Whatever argument you make, they will have a response.

If you respond to the above gremlin voice about your lack of will power by citing an example of a time when you did something that required will power, your gremlin will remind you that it only lasted for a few weeks, then you fell back into your old habits. Gremlins are incredibly inventive and wondrously persistent.

Rather than argue reasonably with a gremlin, you can play with the image you have created. (Remember, you’re the one who made it up in the first place.) You can shrink the size of the gremlin down to someone who fits in the palm of your hand. You can give your gremlin a funny voice. You can imagine putting your gremlin in a glass jar with a tight lid where you can’t hear their bad advice. You can also give your gremlin another task to do. They seem to really like being busy. Perhaps they can go give advice to some politician you don’t like. Perhaps they can take a trip to the other side of the world, or they can go down to the basement to begin the clean-up project you haven’t gotten to. Be creative.

(to be continued tomorrow)

 Personal Practice – Think of some action you’d like to take or change you’d like to make. For the sake of this exercise, make it a small one. What is keeping you from making that change or taking that step? Turn that barrier into a gremlin. What’s stopping you from exercising may be that you don’t think you have enough time. So change the voice to the second person (from ‘I don’t have enough time.’ to ‘You don’t have enough time.’) and then dream up an image for the being/part of you that is raising this objection. Give your gremlin a name. Take a moment to appreciate their persistence, creativity and belief in themselves. Do they have other reasons you can’t or shouldn’t do what you want? Listen to these too. Then remember what is important to you about taking this next step, deal with your gremlin in some creative way and then move ahead with your plan.