Shelter-In-Place or Stay-At-Home?

Listening to the radio yesterday, I was conscious of our struggle to find words to describe this particular time and place we are in. The radio hosts on NPR mostly avoided ‘pandemic’ and ‘global pandemic’, out of, I suppose, a wish not to make things more alarming than they already are. ‘Corona virus outbreak’ was used as a straight-ahead descriptor. But the hosts seemed most comfortable with ‘uncertain time’ and, the one I liked best, this ‘stay-at-home’ time.

This last phrase comes from our Massachusetts governor, Charlie Baker, who has refused to issue a ‘shelter in place’ order, but instead has issued a ‘stay at home advisory.’ Turns out that the ‘stay at home advisory’ is essentially the same as the ‘shelter in place order’ announced in other states. We’re supposed to stay at home except for essentials – buying groceries or medicine, getting outside for walks and exercise (though he didn’t mention it, I’m sure tending the garden can be included as a form exercise), and we’re to stay six feet away from each other everywhere we go. No going to eat at restaurants or gathering with more than ten people. So it’s the same instructions with a different name and a very different tone. Good for you Charlie Baker. The language we use helps shape the reality we live.

‘Stay at home advisory’ has very different connotations than ‘shelter in place’. I think of a stay-cation or getting a day off from school because of snow. The idea of staying at home can have the feeling of a taking a break. What if we’re all getting a big break? We’ve been freed from our cars and our incessant need to be going somewhere. We don’t have to ferry kids to school or to fight the traffic on the way to work. We get to try out that recipe we’ve been wondering about.  Time for those projects we’ve been putting off.

Of course, we’re all discovering that staying at home, even with those we love, has its challenges—especially when it includes either having to do the work we used to do somewhere else or with the not working and wondering how we’re going to pay for our ongoing food and shelter. Life is indeed, just one thing after another. But how we meet these challenges exactly determines the quality of our life—is our life.

‘Stay-at-home time’ also has the virtue of being a simple description of what we are doing—neither alarmist nor dismissive. The story of why we are having to stay at home can be frightening and overwhelming, but the reality staying at home is not the same as the reasons why. This is a useful distinction as we live into the days and weeks ahead.

Though the narratives that help us understand the world around us are helpful and necessary, they can also lead us into fearful places that seem to feed on themselves. Like a cow chewing on its cud, we ruminate – thinking the same thoughts over and over without actually doing much more than disturbing ourselves. ‘Staying at home’ might be a reminder for us to stay grounded in our experience of this moment. Rather than traveling great distances of worry and fretting, can we ‘stay at home’ and just cut the carrots, just put the toys away, just walk the dog, just sit on the couch and watch the TV?

While these are extraordinary and unprecedented times, the invitation of each moment remains our best option for finding what we are really looking for.