Working with Anxiety and Fear

Anxiety and panic are deeply wired into our human experience. Originally these physiological responses conferred a survival value. Our ancient anxious ancestors were alert for threatening sounds in the dark (anxiety). When they heard the footsteps of the saber tooth tiger coming, they grabbed the baby and ran with all their might (panic). Their friends who were more grounded and relaxed, were eaten by the tiger. Thus the genetic material coding for panic and anxiety were passed on to you and me.   (And this is why it is so hard to meditate – very little of the ‘calm’ genetic material was passed on—we’re all still listening for the tiger.)

In these days of our collective challenge to slow the spread of the Covid-19 virus, our lives have all been deeply disrupted. Some of us can no longer leave our homes. None of us can live the ‘normal’ lives we had even two weeks ago. The infection rate is still climbing and we don’t know what’s next.

Everyone I know is dealing with fear and anxiety. So this morning I’d like to offer a few perspectives and tools that might be helpful in working with these often difficult mind-states.

1) Anxiety and fear are a rational, functional and healthy response to the situation we are all in. If you’re feeling (and struggling) with these emotions, consider yourself a normal. These emotions disturb and mobilize us to help us break out of the grip of our normal routine. One of the challenges our civic leaders is dealing with is getting to increasingly small number of people who have not been taking this seriously – those that have not had a healthy level of fear and panic.

2) It’s OK to feel what you are feeling. Though it can be very unpleasant to feel scared and anxious, it is actually not a problem. The truth of feelings is that they come and go. Often our trying to avoid feeling certain feelings can be part of a trap that keeps us stuck right in the middle of them.  You don’t have to like what you’re feeling, but fighting if often takes more energy than just letting it be. You don’t have to fix anything.

3) Get curious. What are you really feeling? The words we use ‘I’m so anxious.’ ‘I’m panicking.’ can hide the more complex and subtle reality of our experience. Next time you’re feeling anxious, try getting curious about what is really going on. Slow down, take a breath and turn your attention to your body. What are the specific sensations appearing (and disappearing?) in this moment? What is it like for you right now? How big? How intense? Is there variation? What is there here that you might not have noticed before?

4) Pendulate. Like the pendulum of a clock, we need to swing toward and swing away from these difficult places. Intense feelings, whatever they are, take a lot of energy to be with and none of us can live all the time in that intensity. It is healthy to sometimes turn toward the very feelings that are most troubling to us. It is also healthy to sometimes turn away. Go out and take a walk. Clean your closet. Watch Netflix. Call a friend. You can (and probably will) always come back to the difficult emotional states, but we humans were born for variation. When we leave and come back, we have new resources and new possibilities.

These are indeed challenging times. Even in the midst of the uncertainty and fear, we each have an opportunity to practice opening our hearts to the fullness of life. Not always easy. Rarely smooth. But endlessly mysterious and filled with potential.